where was that?

Monday, 23 April 2012

Saturday, 21 April 2012

shoe porn giveaway!!


is shoe porn!!!

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

glutton for punishment

I have to start questioning my own sanity when i read through 200 pages of notes from  my doctor that do not reflect anything i remember telling her,contain erroneous errors of time and dates,and ultimately say without saying that she's been placating me for the last almost two years.
I'd rather buy nail polish than go to my doctors appointments, except  i'm out of three of my meds and can. in two days feel the pain and the heart pounding and the anxiety building and the fear making me shut down. Howis this possible,i can't leave my safety bubble, and won't let anyone in to it.
I never go anywhere that i could wear the nail polish,it's just the latest in  my endless list of fleeting obsessions.
I'm back at the point where i want to leave, so i need to  find a place where it's worth leaving to...
I'm sick of being alone, and at the same time i don't want anyone near me.
I guess I'm so fucking messed up from theYeti breaking my heart, destroying my trust and faith, that i'm just finished with even trying to invest in people, and even myself, the people i've let get close to me continue to hurt me, the people i've  loved my entire life hurt me.

But nail polish,well that's easy, put it on take it off, it's never perfect,but that's ok.

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Cushie Blogger: Cushing's Awareness Challenge Bloggers

Cushie Blogger: Cushing's Awareness Challenge Bloggers: Seventeen days in and these participants are all doing a great job!   Over halfway there. Alicia  http://alliwantisworldpeace.blogspot...

Fishbowl Living: Regional Rile-Up - Silent Strength

Fishbowl Living: Regional Rile-Up - Silent Strength: Hey readers! I'm back, with yet another piece on the Oshawa Social Reform movement (a name given by me, and in no way the official represe...

flutter and sparkle: 1,000 followers giveaway - Naked 2 palette!

flutter and sparkle: 1,000 followers giveaway - Naked 2 palette!: As a massive thank you to all those who read and follow my blog, leave comments and generally support me, I'm doing a 1,000 followers givea...

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Cushings Disease/Syndrome - thehell my life has become

i've been suffering with a horrid disease for the last 3+ years,  i self medicated for a good year, before i got to the point where my body was revolting  in dangerous ways, blacking out in the kitchen at work,  projectile vomiting while trying to cook dinner for 100+ people, feeling suicidal, fainting a lot, and after a battery of tests. I was diagnosed with Cushings syndrome.
I moved from my idyllic little  island to Ontario, reuniting with my family  and lost friends, and it's been more of a struggle since.
I was always a social butterfly,i spent the first month in toronto afraid to leave harry's house.Went to peterborough  and continued my hermitted ways, unable to go anywhere without my sister or my parents.
It's been over two years and what i know is:
I have Empty sella syndrome (abbreviated ESS) is a disorder that involves the sella turcica, a bony structure at the base of the brain that surrounds and protects the pituitary gland. ESS is a condition that is often discovered during tests for pituitary disorders, when radiological imaging of the pituitary gland reveals a sella turcica that appears to be empty, however this oneis not empty, it's  partially full of fluid and leaks  into my brain, 4rendering my puitatary gland in operable, but they're not too concerned about this.
There are two types of ESS: primary and secondary

Primary ESS happens when a small anatomical defect above the pituitary gland increases pressure in the sella turcica and causes the gland to flatten out along the interior walls of the sella turcica cavity. Primary ESS is associated with obesity and high blood pressure in women. The disorder can be a sign of idiopathic intracranial hypertension

Secondary ESS is the result of the pituitary gland regressing within the cavity after an injury, surgery, or radiation therapy. Individuals with secondary ESS due to destruction of the pituitary gland have symptoms that reflect the loss of pituitary functions, such as the ceasing of menstrual periods, infertility, fatigue, and intolerance to stress and infection.

I also know that there are multiple lesionsin my lower left lung, which have been biopsied and nothing was confirmed or denied,after 8 months the lesions have not grown nor  shrunk(even after they removed mass during the biopsies), so they feel it's  nothing to worry about. over75% of my left lung is badly scarred.I went from being told they'd have to remove part of  it,to it's nothing to worry about.

My left ovary is one large tumour the size of a grapefruit.my right one has6 tumours ranging in size from 5 mm to 5 cm's, i finally received a gyno  referral for August...

There are problems with my kidney and liver, my blood sugar is boarder line diabetic, my GI track is a mess, i can no  longer digest gluten or dairy, raw fruits and veggies, and my food allergy list keep growing.

Sometimes i really  wanna curl up in a ball and die.
Other days something simple as a new nail polish makes my month.
I'm an emotional wreck.
Most of my friends can't stand to be around me because i'm too fucking depressing.
I've been single since i left Mark. and i'm stupid lonely, but don't have the effort to bring anyone into my life.
if you've gotten this far,you're a saint.
please click this link so we can raise  some funds to try and figure  out  this disease,
And if you wanna know more...you can ask.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Polish Vixens 1100 followers giveaway

not only is she awesome!
but generous too!

Friday, 6 April 2012

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Firey Aries

Valentines #3 @sugarpillmakeup and @a_isforarsenic

clawsand skulls

The Giveaway Lifestyle: April Giveaway!!

The Giveaway Lifestyle: April Giveaway!!

Harry Crews

"I had possessions once. I mean, I had them up around my fucking neck. I thought and felt that I was not in control, that they owned me. After all, if you have a house and a car and nine jillion pieces of furniture, you're not mobile. You're not anything. You're stuck. Some people will say it's a great way to be stuck, and maybe it is for them, but the notion of having a bunch of shit that I have to stay around and take care of doesn't wear well with me."
the late great Harry Crews.
yes, i am one of those assholes who quotes the artist after death.
fact: Harry Crews is why i adventured anywhere in my life, how it was so easy for me to pickup and leave my "life" so many times, how and why i owned the ability to be a woman and a person of power (it wasn't a woman who taught me this, although I know many women and men who i attribute the good and bad decisions I've made in my life). it was an older redneck man, who wrote pure and driven kinky smut in a way that i couldn't stop reading, that always left me wanting more. causing me to explore sexuality, sensuality, fulfillment- not just in sexually, but with life itself. he's the reason why i never settled, never stuck around longer, when i stopped getting what i needed. he was someone i never shared with anyone, his books were all so personal to me, like he had written them for me, and no one else. i held the man in such high respect and regard. and now i will only be able to re-read his writing with a longing that will never end, knowing i missed my boat to meet him.
r.i.p. you wonderful sexy man.